Friday, September 16, 2011

My HEART

So I saw Steph's blog your heart challenge and I really wanted to do it even though I am totally late for the train lol.  I am the kind of person who %99 of what I say is a joke, which I understand is not for everybody.  My life is SERIOUS, as life is and I think if I was serious on top of that I would not be a very happy person.  One of my husband's friends from OIF sent me a fb friend request which I accepted even though I was told not too because he is bat shit crazy and thinks he has a pact with devil lol.  Well I don't have alot of fb friends so I noticed someone had deleted me and sure enough it was him, which is hilarious that even for those who have been touched by the hands of satan Im a handful ;).  It made a great story to tell my IRL friends too, but it really did hurt my feelings.  Im not sure what fb friend expectations I did not meet, I think what really bothered me was not knowing kwim? Im used to being the kind of person who is not for everyone, but I usually know why lol.  Also on my heart big time is this
My oldest son who is autistic and almost 8 can finally write his name.  Taking on homeschooling has stressed me to no end, not the actual work just the pressure that whatever success or failure he has now is on me.  I want hime to learn so bad, if I thought setting my hair on fire would help I totally would.  Unfortunately it's just not that easy, and instead it requires endless work and positive reinforcement.  On the good days I can keep the focus on progress no matter how small and things go so well, on the bad days I see failure as a reflection on me and I lose focus on him.  There are hardly any bad days at all now and that is a true blessing.  I never thought he would ever be able to write his name and now he can and that makes me wonder what else I never thought would happen will?
The last thing on my heart today is that Im tired of reaching out and nothing being there to grab.  I really don't want to be specific but for now Im just over it lol.  Then I think is there somebody reaching out to me right now and I'm not there to grab?  Then I put on my senior prom dress and dance to billy idol and I feel better (and that is a true story).

8 comments:

  1. Yay! Congratulations to your son! Great Job!

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  2. that's awesome about your little guy!
    you are different & so am I, i think we would get along marvelously!! =)) people don't 'get me' either lol. it's ok it happens to us cool kids ;)
    xo
    p.s plz post pic of said prom dress & whilst dancing to billy idol... =)

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  3. That's awesome, sounds like you are a fantastic teacher!
    Wish I could fit in my prom dress!

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  4. Go Will!!! And yes please post that photo!!
    PS. You are an awesome mom.

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  5. Sounds like great progress is being made in your house! I feel ya about the whole FB thing, it is like high school and that is not a time period I would like to repeat for any amount of $$$.

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  6. wow. clapping for the both of you!!!!

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  7. you are strong, and brave, and i admire you greatly. i know i'm not supposed to say that since you prefer joking, but i mean it. :) thank you so much for joining in and for blogging your heart. xxo

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  8. love this post!! u are a great mother, and teacher, i am sure! dont stress out on yourself...u have reach out to me many of times, otherwise i wouldnt be able to submit pges, sew, or countless other things...so thanks for everything!!! brandy m.

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